Talking, crying, sobbing, sighing, bawling, squalling, groaning, moaning, grunting, protesting, scolding, yelling, screaming, etc., in response to an upsetting event or situation, are some of the common healthful ways by which we express painful emotions. To do this, one must be aware of his inner emotions (‘I am aware that I am angry at this person’ ); be willing to admit them to himself and others (‘I am so mad at him that I want to wring his neck!’); and be able to express them in an appropriate manner (‘I am mad at you because of the nasty comment you made about me.’).
Grieving over the loss of a beloved relative is an example of appropriate expression of emotions. Expressing painful emotions (‘I am hurt,’ ‘I am sad,’ ‘I am mad,’ ‘I am disappointed,’ etc.) causes emotional tension in the mind (balloon) to diminish. This reverses chemical changes in the brain. Symptoms disappear one by one.
One can express his emotions by talking with a relative, a friend, a pastor, a counselor, a doctor or a psychiatrist. A daily walk with a trusted friend offers an excellent opportunity to release your emotions! Talking, not just walking, is a better way to cope with stress.
One can express his emotions by writing down his feelings on a piece of paper, on a computer, in a journal or in the form of a book. If you are very upset with some one and you can not ignore or forgive him, write a letter to that person expressing your displeasure, but don’t mail it. Wait for two or three days. If you still think it is appropriate, mail it. If not, file it someplace so someday you can have a good laugh about it.
Write an autobiography, a fictional story, a drama or a poem and try to cash in on your misery! Hundreds of thousand Americans are making a good living today by selling the story of their shenanigans, screw-ups, addictions, their chemical imbalance, misfortunes, tragedies, victim-hood, struggles, heroism in the face of adversity and the like. As a last resort, start a crusade or join one already in progress (E. G: MADD (Mothers against drunk driving) as a way of expressing your inner rage about something.
Another way of expressing one’s emotion, especially his rage, is to indulge in a socially acceptable action such as filing a lawsuit. The ‘sue-happy’ people we see around us are coping with their stress by asking for compensation from others as if the world owed them something. These days the first thing an injured person asks is not where to go for help but who is the best lawyer in town! An injured person who does not sue is considered by our society as an idiot.
Another way of expressing emotions is by getting into individual counseling. When you see an empathic, non-critical, nonjudgmental counselor, your guards would come down, and you would bring up emotions you have suppressed (aware) and buried (unaware). Support groups are also very helpful when you are trapped in a life situation for which there are no easy solution: breast cancer; a parent with Alzheimer’s etc. Support groups are two types: The first has to do with sharing information, listening to lectures, etc. (educational). The other has to do with people sharing emotions in intimate setting (healing). The second type of support group is far superior in outcome as it facilitates expression of painful emotions, sharing of experiences, intimacy, emotional support and a feeling of belonging.
Why are some people unable to express their emotions’ Lack of awareness of emotions; fear of being ridiculed; belief that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness; fear of being betrayed; guilt over perceived disloyalty; extreme concern with privacy, etc. are some of common reasons why people don’t express their emotions. Sometimes, anger, guilt and shame could block flow of grief. Until these emotions are first expressed, grieving remains incomplete, and the balloon remains full.