We read elsewhere how buried painful emotions can resurface later and cause double whammy. In mid-life crisis, it is not the buried emotions that resurface but buried desires, dependency needs, cravings, wishes and yearnings from our childhood days which were not met. When this happens, one experiences an intense need to fulfill those unmet needs and desires. Usually, this is triggered by a seemingly insignificant event. The consequences, though, could be great and often disastrous. Most men and women having affairs in their mid-forties are going through their mid-life crises.
Mid-life crisis does not have to hit one during one’s mid-life. It would come on any time during the adult life. During the so-called crisis, one intensely craves to be admired, loved, worshipped, attended to, appreciated or taken care of. Married men and women could find a person outside their marriage who seemingly meets these needs. They find their spouses totally unable or inadequate to meet these almost insatiable needs.
A middle aged woman, married unhappily to an alcoholic, met an old boyfriend at a barbecue party. The ex-boy friend said and did things that made her happy. This chance meeting suddenly brought up to the surface intense unmet desires and cravings to be admired and worshipped. She had suppressed these needs as a child. Her parents had split up when she was three years old. Her step father gave her no love. Her alcoholic husband paid little attention to her needs. The sudden re-acquaintance with an old flame rekindled her buried desires and she went on to have a tempestuous affair with him.
Mid-life crisis is an increasingly common phenomenon in modern times due to the fact that millions of people are growing up without meeting their basic emotional needs on account of parental neglect and self centeredness. The net result is that spouses are traumatized; families breakup and children are put through hell. This cycle repeats itself in the lives of the children and their children.
Not everyone going through mid-life crisis has an affair. Many get involved with causes, crusades, movements, litigation, conflicts, war and the like, to fulfill those insatiable needs and desires. Many become heroes, movie stars and leaders. Others end up on the garbage heap of history. Most people in the thick of their mid-life crisis honestly believe in what they are feeling and doing at the moment and it is hard to convince them otherwise.