The child flings himself on the floor, starts screaming, and thrashes around with his hands, feet and head. Any attempt to hold the child or to lift him up is met with resistance as the child fights with you and wants to persist with his tantrums. Control is a central issue. Inability to control some aspect of the external world results in loss of internal control manifested as temper tantrums.
Overtiredness, frustration, physical discomfort, fears can evoke temper tantrums. A temper tantrum once in a while is normal, because in children also, the frustration levels are bound to cross the limits once in a while and this is the way they may give vent to it. When the tantrums are intermittently or constantly rewarded by giving in to the child’s demands as a means of stopping the tantrum at that moment, tantrums can become an entrenched strategy for exerting control. Tantrums normally peak during 2-4 years.
If tantrums are persistent after the age of 5 years, usually it tends to persist in the whole childhood. Obviously the best way to control temper tantrums is to remain calm and aloof and not pay any attention to the child’s ongoing behaviour, i.e. to ignore it completely. If it is irritating you a lot, you can just walk away from the child into another room.
Once the child realises that throwing tantrums is getting him nowhere and no one is bothered or interested in his behaviour, he gives this up as a means of expressing himself, after a few trials. After the child has calmed down, the parents should try to find out what precipitates such tantrums in their child and if possible sympathise with the feelings of the child and tell him that you realize how he feels. You should then try to prevent future recurrences by striking at the cause that is precipitating them. During the tantrum don’t argue with him, don’t get angry or start beating him. Instead give the child a graceful way out, so that when the worst of the storm is over, the child can reconcile to you more easily.