Your initial instinct may be to hide your condition from the young people in your life. But the truth is, the impact of Alzheimer’s is far and wide, and can affect everyone in the family, even the youngest children. Exactly how it will affect the children in your life depends on several factors: whether they are your children or grandchildren; how close you are to them emotionally and physically before the illness; and whether they live in the same house, nearby in the same town, or in a faraway state.
Children who are accustomed to seeing the affected relative may be sad about the changes they witness. They may be confused by that person’s bizarre behavior, the constant questions, the loss for words. They may also become worried and fearful about other loved ones getting the same disease. They may also feel guilty, angry, and impatient with the person who has Alzheimer’s. Young kids may be resentful of the attention the person needs, while older teens may be mortified by a grandparent’s embarrassing behavior.
If you’re the parent, you may not even realize that your child is feeling these emotions. But your child may display behavioral changes like doing poorly in school, not inviting friends to the house anymore, spending more time away from home, or complaining of vague physical discomforts such as headaches or stomachaches.
The best way to allay these confusing emotions is to have open conversations about the disease with your children. Some suggestions from the Alzheimer’s Association include:
• Offer comfort and support.
• Provide opportunities for them to express their feelings.
• Let them know their feelings are normal.
• Educate them about the disease and encourage them to ask questions.
• Respond to any questions as honestly as you can and in terms your child will understand. A discussion of plaques and tangles may be too confusing for a six-year old, but simply explaining how grandma has a disease in her brain might be easier to grasp.
You might also want to prepare your children for what’s to come as the disease progresses. Offer your child tips on how to relate to the person with Alzheimer’s, like speaking more slowly, providing frequent reminders, and accepting diat their loved one can no longer do what they used to do. Remind them that die person with Alzheimer’s cannot help the way they are behaving and that they are doing what they do because of very complex changes taking place in the brain. Look for new things that the children can do with their loved ones that are less taxing such as watching a movie, listening to music, reading together, or taking a walk.
A good resource for today’s computer-savvy children is the Alzheimer’s Association Web site, which features a special section for children. The Web site also offers a list of children’s books that might make understanding the disease a little easier.