When you’re in the throes of looking after a loved one with Alzheimer’s, it’s easy to overlook your own needs, especially if you’re also holding down a job, taking care of children, or tending to other relatives. But caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is one of the biggest challenges any person can ever undertake. In order to muster the strength and energy for it, you need to look after yourself, too.
While your loved one may still be self-sufficient in the early stages, there will eventually come a time when his needs become much greater. Knowing what’s to come, you should begin now to create habits and routines that will ensure your own care. Keep in mind that if you don’t care for yourself, there will be very little you can do for anyone, including your loved one with Alzheimer’s.
Minimize Your Stress
We all know someone who bristles at every red light, who taps her feet in long lines, and who complains at the slightest inconvenience. But we also know people who take all these situations in stride and seem to go through life unaffected by events that make others seethe and rage.
The difference lies in how we perceive stressful events. So while it’s true that your caregiving situation may be fraught with difficulties, the stress of the situation is also affected by how you perceive it. The key is to try and maintain some perspective, to take lots of deep breaths, and to try to maintain a sense of humor.
The amount of stress you experience is also affected by several other factors, including your relationship with the person receiving the care, your ability to cope with stress in the past, and whether you have support from others, such as siblings, children, or friends. If you voluntarily chose to become the caregiver, you’re also less likely to be stressed out than someone who has taken the job out of sheer obligation.
To keep your stress levels in check:
• Be on the lookout for warning signs. Are you suffering from sleep problems? Forgetfulness? Irritability. Chances are, you need to take action to relieve the stress before it gets out of hand.
• Identify your stressors. Perhaps you have problems asking for help. Maybe you can’t get along with your children. Or perhaps you suffer from feelings of inadequacy. Pinpoint the source of your stress, and devise ways to overcome it.
• Figure out what you can and can’t control. You can’t force your sister to come over and help you care for your mother, but you can change the angry feelings you have about the situation.
• Do something about it. Rather than sit back and stew about a stressful situation, take action. For instance, hire someone to come sit with your mother for the afternoon while you do your shopping rather than wait around for your sister. Pursue a hobby, go for a walk, or call a friend to help alleviate your stress. You might also consider taking up meditation or yoga to lower your stress.
• Give yourself a break. Once a week, do something just for you. Set aside ten minutes a day, three times a week to take a walk. Go to the mall and shop, if only for an hour. Sit down and watch a favorite sitcom. Knowing you have that bit of time to yourself can sometimes help you endure the more difficult moments.
• Ask for help. When someone offers to help out, take them up on it by giving them a specific task. Resist the urge to say, “Thank you, I’m fine, I’ll let you know if I need anything.” Instead, say something like, “Actually, it would be great if you could make me dinner once this week,” or “I would love it if you could drive him to the doctor’s on Thursday.” Don’t expect others to read your mind and know what you need. Only you can tell them exacty what you want.
Get Your Exercise
If you’re like most people, you probably had a hard time finding the time to exercise even before you became a caregiver. Now that you’re taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer’s, exercise may seem like a complete luxury. Truth is, it’s not. Regular physical activity should become a necessity, now that someone else is depending on you more than ever.
As we mentioned above, exercise can help relieve stress. But it also helps keep your weight in check, staves off disease, maintains strength and endurance, and boosts your energy. In addition, it promotes better sleep, reduces tension and anxiety, and helps prevent depression.
In the early stages of Alzheimer’s, your loved one may even be able to exercise with you. Consider taking a twenty-minute walk three times a day. If you can’t create the time, try to work exercise into your routine. Park far away from the entrances of offices and stores. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk to nearby errands and neighbors’ houses. Lift weights and stretch while watching TV. The key is to do it regularly.
Eat Well
When you’re upset, lonely, and bored, it’s easy to reach for a tempting high-fat, sugary treat. If you’re depressed, you may have a hard time mustering the energy to prepare a healthy meal. And when you’re in the throes of caregiving and juggling other responsibilities, you simply may not have the time to make healthy eating a priority in your life. The result is a diet rich in processed foods, and high-fat takeout meals, none of which promotes good health if eaten in large amounts on a regular basis.
Sticking to a healthy diet is important to your well-being. A well-rounded meal, rich in complex carbohydrates, fruits, vegetables, protein and healthy fats, can help stave off diseases like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and certain cancers. It can prevent unhealthy weight gain and high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and insulin resistance.
To ensure that you eat well, stock your house with healthy snacks that you can grab and eat in a pinch. Look for simple recipes that don’t take a lot of time to prepare. Make meals ahead of time and stash them in the freezer. Try to limit your intake of processed foods like frozen dinners, packaged baked goods, and snacks. Remember that eating well will keep you healthy and give you more energy to care for your loved one.
Get Your Zzzzzs
When we’re busy, it’s easy to put off a good night’s rest in order to fold the last of the laundry, pay the bills, and clean the house. But a good night’s sleep is critical to someone who is caring for a sick relative. Try to follow the same bedtime routine every night. Get out of bed at the same time every morning and go to bed at the same time every night. Steer clear of substances that can keep you from getting good sleep, such as caffeine and alcohol. Try to get some regular exercise every day. And create a night time routine that will help settle you down, such as watching TV, reading, or taking a bubble bath.
Join a Support Group
No one should endure the task of caregiving alone. Knowing that there are others just like you going through the same trials and tribulations can be enormously comforting and can also provide you with good information. Through these support groups, you can learn about community resources available to Alzheimer’s patients and their families. You can also discuss and learn about strategies for coping with certain situations. In addition, most support groups provide a comfortable forum for you to air any emotions you have about caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. More information about support groups will be provided in the next chapter.
Work on Your Caregiving Skills
No one ever took classes to become a caregiver for a loved one. It’s an unwanted job that falls upon you when a relative gets sick. So it should come as no surprise that you may not have the skills it takes to provide round-the-clock, seven-day-a-week care to someone who has Alzheimer’s.
For some people who have may have been trained as nurses, social workers, or counselors, the task may be a little easier. You may have spent years tending to the needs of others, and those job skills will serve you well now. But for others, the job of caregiving may not come easily. It may even prove extraordinarily difficult, especially if you’re not a nurturing person by nature.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t improve the way you handle the task of caregiving. Rather than throw up your hands in frustration, consider this a job that requires new skills and some learning. One of the most important things you can do is to improve the way you communicate with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s. Sharpening your ability to relate to your loved one can help make caregiving a lot easier for both of you. Here are some tips from the Family Caregiver Alliance:
• Set a positive mood for any interaction. Speak in a pleasant and respectful maimer. Use positive facial expressions, tone of voice, and a gentie touch to help convey your message and demonstrate your underlying affection.
• Get the persons attention. Limit distractions and noise. Turn off the radio or TV close the curtains, shut the door, or move to quieter surroundings. Before saying anything, make sure you have her attention. Use eye contact and gende touches to keep your loved one’s attention focused on you.
• State your message as clearly as you can. Use simple words and phrases. Speak slowly, distincdy, and in a reassuring tone.
• Refrain from raising your voice. If necessary, repeat the message a few times, making sure to use names of people and places instead of pronouns and abbreviations.
• Keep questions simple and answerable. Ask one question at a time; yes and no questions work best. Refrain from asking open-ended questions or those that have too many options. If you can, use visual cues and prompts to help clarify the question and guide the response.
• Listen with your eyes, ears, and heart. Be patient if your loved one is struggling to come up with the right words. Pay attention to nonverbal cues that may speak more than words.
• Break down activities into simple steps. Encourage your loved one to do what he can, and offer gende reminders as he moves ahead. Help him when he tries to do something that he can no longer manage on his own.
• When the going gets tough, redirect and distract. If you sense an emotional meltdown coming, try changing the subject or environment. Let your loved one know that you know he’s upset, and suggest a new activity, such as taking a walk.
• Respond with affection and reassurance. People who have Alzheimer’s often feel confused, anxious, and uncertain of themselves. Don’t bother trying to convince them they are wrong. Rather, focus on how the person is feeling—the emotions are still real—and respond with verbal and physical expressions of support, comfort, and reassurance. Holding hands, touching, hugging, and praise is sometimes all the person needs.
• Remember the good old days. While recalling what happened an hour ago may be impossible, people with Alzheimer’s are able to recall what occurred many years ago. Remembering old memories is often a soothing and affirming activity.
• Maintain your sense of humor. Never laugh at the person who has Alzheimer’s, but do use humor whenever you can when you are communicating with them. Chances are, they will laugh right along.
NOT ALL BAD
No one says caregiving is easy. But studies suggest it does have some positive aspects. Many caregivers view it as an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong commitment to a spouse, or a chance to give back to their parents some of the care they received as children. Some caregivers say it has deepened their religious faith, while others report experiencing closer ties with other people, either through new relationships or existing ones.
The good news is, researchers are learning more all the time about the needs of caregivers. Projects like the NYU intervention study and REACH (Resources for Enhancing Alzheimer’s Caregiver Health), an initiative by the National Institute on Aging, are uncovering innovative ways to help support caregivers, be it through support groups, family-based interventions, or computer-based information services. For caregivers whose loved ones are in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, the additional knowledge can be reassuring.